


Things change (but can we start all over again?)

by waitingforimpossibilities



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-02 20:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4073005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waitingforimpossibilities/pseuds/waitingforimpossibilities
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years later and everything’s so very different… so very different yet so very much the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It’s winter and snowing and freezing but at the very least Chiba’s hand feels warm. He looked down at gloved interlocked fingers, wondering to himself how he ever got so lucky. Before he’s even graduated he’s gotten a scholarship in one hand and a wonderful girlfriend in the other. He’s surrounded by the boisterous laughs of his friends, because they’re high school students after all, but her soft laugh stood out amongst the somewhat obnoxious sounds.

He tightened his hold on her hand because _she’s pretty much_ _perfect_. She’s quiet and a bit shy but opens up when it’s only the two of them. She has a gentle beauty that not many notice but upon closer inspection is undeniably breath-taking – her striking green eyes were so mesmerising he couldn’t look away sometimes. She looked up to him, catching him staring and shook her head with a small smile.

To an outsider, it would seem like she was rolling her eyes at his smitten behaviour but he could see her blush. He kind of wanted to tease her, especially when she tried to hide her face in her hair. But then she was leaning her head on his shoulder and he wondered how he was so lucky once more.

Three years ago he wouldn’t have imagined this at all.

***

The first time they go out it’s summer and he’s kind of melting in the heat when she caught him completely off guard.

“Gotcha.” There’s a blunt fingernail pressing into the back of his neck and he couldn’t help but almost jump out of his skin. He was definitely not expecting that, he had to give her that.

He chuckled nervously, reaching behind and catching her hand, still in a finger gun, bringing it down as he turns around. He wasn’t going to lie, it was a sort of bold move on his part, considering everything between was up in the air right now and neither of them were very touchy feely people in general. However, her hand was so small and warm, he couldn’t resist.

“Hayami, I thought we agreed that this would be a break from assassinations.” Chiba reminded but Hayami shrugged her shoulders, smiling mischievously. Chiba had to take a second to swallow because her hair was down and wow, she should do that more often (why did she even stop?).

“You should always have your guard up.” She said, releasing her hand from his grip and poking him in the chest. “I guess this just proves that I’m the better sniper.”

Chiba shook his head as she winked because for all that she liked to talk about it, there really was no competitive air between them. Their sniping competition of who-can-hit-the-bulls-eye-more-out-of-ten were fun and if anything else, a gateway to why they were out today.

Somewhere between the marksmanship practice and naturally gravitating to each other for class projects they noticed that maybe the comfortableness they felt around each other was more than close friendship. After all, the accidental elbow brushing and subsequent blushing and stuttering were a pretty clear sign for something at the very least.

“Say that when you manage to shoot Koro-sensei before I do.” Because he had to. As nervous as he had been, he had never had to think so hard about his wardrobe before, he could hardly feel the tension in his shoulders anymore. Hayami had opened with their normal banter, shooting away any anxiousness the way she did with her targets – with mercilessly precise accuracy.

Embarrassingly, there was no other way to describe his heart other than it _fluttered_. It was somewhere between jumping out of his throat and just lightly speeding up because she makes things so easy. She understood him, looked past his silence and dragged his personality out of the shadows like no one else. There weren’t many others that could sit with him for hours on end, the number of words said between them countable on one hand but she did. Several times a week, actually.

 _She’s pretty much perfect_ was all he could think and the thought surprised him more than Hayami had when she arrived.

“I guess we’ll have to find out when we go to that island resort for our assassination.” Chiba was kind of listening but it was hard to when five minutes into their first date he’d realised he didn’t sort-of-like-her-not-in-a-friend-way, he had the _biggest crush of his life_ on her. He hardly caught what she said next because this was not a revelation he needed right this moment but now she was snapping her fingers in his face and it was probably a good time to pay attention. “Are you listening, Chiba? You’re so out of it today. If you don’t want to be here you shouldn’t have agreed.”

And there was another side of her not many people got to see (something he took a little too much pride in). Her tone was so cold and aloof but her subtle fiddling with her skirt gave her away completely. Hayami could hide her emotions almost flawlessly and her tells were few and irregular but Chiba liked to think he’s been around her enough to see the slightest shift in her.

“I’m sorry, Hayami. I’m just a bit nervous.” He wasn’t one for making excuses usually but he couldn’t really tell her he realised he is smitten with her. Besides it wasn’t really a _lie_.

“Just say so sooner, idiot.” She mumbled, stopping her fiddling as she looked away, slightly red in the face. Chiba made a mental note that a blushing Hayami with her hair down was something he wanted to see again. “Anyway, the movie is going to start without us if we don’t start going.”

Hayami started to walk in the direction of the theatre, probably expecting Chiba to follow, when Chiba’s eye was drawn to her hand. Maybe it’s the way she’s swinging her arms or maybe it’s the way she’d greeted him with her finger gun. Maybe it was a bit of both. Either way, he looked down at his own hand and tried to remember the brief feeling of hers in his.  

He could do this… right?

“Chiba?” Hayami called out when she realised he wasn’t following, raising an eyebrow at the way he was kind of staring at her but also looking lost in his thoughts.

“Hayami, can I… can I hold your hand?” When Hayami didn’t respond after thirty seconds, Chiba thought maybe he _couldn’t_ do this. For once, they had a positively uncomfortable and heavy silence between them. It was so thick Chiba thought he might as well be drowning in it. However, before he could listen to his fight or flight instinct, which in that moment was telling him to fly to the moon Koro-sensei destroyed, Hayami cleared her throat, refusing to meet his eyes when he looked up.

“O-Only if you call me by my first name.” Hayami was blushing all the way to her ears and that was definitely a first for him (a wonderful first, mind you). Her fiddling was back but it was a different kind of fiddling, the movements smaller and slower, like she was cooking in her own embarrassment.

Moving more by instinct than by actual thought, he pretty much ran to her side, trying to reach for her hand and missing horribly. His clumsiness prompted a snort and then a laugh, Hayami reaching for him instead, managing to hold onto his hand securely. It was messy and sweaty from the summer heat, their fingers were kind of intertwined but kind of not, but Hayami’s quietening giggles and the softness of her hand made up for the awkwardness.

Realising what she had done, Hayami’s giggles stopped abruptly, eyes focusing on their connected hands – not unlike the way she honed in on a sniping target. Chiba could practically feel her heart racing through their palms and stopped to recognise that it was his turn to gun down the tension.

“We should get going to that movie now,” Chiba said as he tightened his grip on her hand, smiling reassuringly when she looked up from their hands to his face. When her expression relaxed and her own smile was curving at the corners of her lips, he knew agreeing to this outing was his best idea to date. “Rinka.”

The way Hayami’s face slowly went from red to redder and she started dragging him towards the cinema said it all. He could practically hear her saying ‘ _it’s not like I want you to call me by my first name’_ but she didn’t need to. He could practically read her mind and the ‘ _she’s pretty much perfect_ ’ thought came back like a tidal wave. But then she tightened her hold on his hand and actually scratch that…

She _was_ perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there’s not enough Chibahaya fics out there...decided to change that :3 Hope you enjoyed it ^^  
> It’s also not beta-ed and I’m a shitty editor so erm... there may be some mistakes :P Buuuuuuuut~ I do have quite a few chapters written up so I’ll probably be updating somewhat regularly... hopefully being the key word :P


	2. Chapter 2

“Are you listening, Chiba-kun?” She chastised when she noticed he had totally zoned out again. He smiled softly and scratched the back of his neck because when it snowed like this he would drift in and out of reality, whether he liked it or not.

It wasn’t the kind of snow that piled up but there was more than enough of it to look ethereal. Even though the scenery was entirely different, it was almost a photographic imitation of that night three years ago. It was rare to have the snow fall just the way it had three years ago… actually this might be the first time it’s been so similar since it happened. Except today the snow was a pure white, undyed by grotesque colours of death.

“You’re always like this in January.” She scolded, sighing when all he offered her was an sheepish smile. She pouted and he knew he was off the hook even when she said, “At least try to look like you’re interested.”

He tried his best, really he did, to keep up with the conversation of his friends and girlfriend but it all got lost when he caught sight of the snow falling under the light of the street lamp. It sparkled in a way that only happened when light hit it just right and his mind travelled back in time again. Vaguely he heard hushed whispers but he was far gone at this point. He replayed snippets of moments, of breaking out in a sweat from the pressure despite the temperature, of his finger shakily waiting standby on the trigger.

It had been so long since he had caught up with anyone and he wondered if everyone else from 3-E had moments like these – catalysts that brought them back to the most exciting year of their lives. For him, it was too painful to remember the happy moments. They only reminded him of how those pleasant times ended in separation and death. They had all gone their separate ways at the end of the year and he could only imagine what some of them were getting up to these days… especially…

Shaking his head, he willed himself out of that black hole because once he was in that mess of thoughts it was nearly impossible to get out of it. He looked down at his smiling girlfriend and tightened his hold on her hand… yes, he had her. He wasn’t alone anymore.

She looked up when she felt his stare, noticing him giving her a rather fond yet insecure look. He was pretty sure she couldn’t tell exactly what was going through his mind but she smiled reassuringly and squeezed back. His chest swelled because she knew how to calm him in his worst moments, when he was spiralling to all kinds of negativity she was there to be by his side. While leaning down to kiss her forehead, he heard his friends whispers once again, actually catching some of it this time.

“Hey, she’s actually pretty cute if you look closely.”

“She’s looking right at us.”

“Woah, I think she’s interested in me!”

“Of course she isn’t, she’s obviously looking at me!”

Well, boys would be boys and being the only one of his friends with a significant other, this kind of banter was more than normal. Looking straight into his girlfriend’s deep green eyes, he decided he’d let his friends have their fun. After all he had the only one he wanted.

_Except for maybe…_

(He kicked that thought to the side. Immediately.)

***

The second time they go out it’s still summer but this time he’s not half as nervous as he was last time. He’d initiated it this time and after the first date had gone so well, he was feeling doubly confident. She still managed to scare him out of his wits though.

“Gotcha.” She had her finger gun pointed under his chin and at this moment Chiba was more concerned with her close proximity than her catching him off guard. He had actually noticed her presence but he hadn’t anticipated her pressing up against his back and slinging her arm around him to aim her finger to his chin.

Swallowing and lifting his arms up in a half-hearted surrender, “You got me, Rinka.” He could practically feel her giggling about his red ears and neck but he chose to ignore it in favour of turning around to face her once she’d lowered her arm.

He had seen her sleeve and knew she was wearing a yukata but wow, did she look amazing. The soft purples of the yukata complimented her hair and eyes, as cheesy as it sounded, and Chiba wished she’d let down her hair because really, she should do that more often. He felt underdressed next to her but that’s not to say he wasn’t thoroughly enjoying the view. It was so rare to see her outside of school uniform and he was appreciating every opportunity he got.

“…you’re staring, Chiba.” Hayami mumbled, fidgeting and blushing because of course she knew what he was thinking. He was really starting to think the two of them were exclusively telepathic but instead of voicing his opinion, he offered his hand.

“I’m sorry, it’s just you look particularly nice today.” Her face went from pink to scarlet at that, eyes widening because she didn’t think he’d actually say it. She had had an inkling when he’d looked at her so appreciatively but having it out there in the open made it so much more embarrassing. Growling softly, she took his hand anyway, because even on a hot summer night, the feeling of his hand in hers was invaluable.

“You’re an idiot.” But with the way she squeezed his hand and took a step closer than necessary, he knew she was over the moon. They naturally made a beeline for the shooting booth but halfway Hayami abruptly stopped, her hand tightening around his. “If Koro-sensei or anyone else sees…”

Oh. Of course. Their teacher was a horrible gossip and their classmates were worse. It wasn’t a surprise that she’d rather keep this to themselves. _Especially_ since they hadn’t even decided exactly _what_ they were yet.

On Okinawa it had been more than obvious what Koro-sensei was trying to do with the test of courage, so keeping their hands to themselves was an easy feat. This time, however, Chiba had already asked Hayami to accompany him to the festival and they’d both played stupid to Koro-sensei. Any one of their classmates could walk up to them but this was supposed to be their second date and they were both reluctant to separate.

They stood in silence in the middle of the bustling crowd, looking down at their joined hands. They knew they should let go but both clung on because when would they be able to do this again? It was the last day of summer and after today it would be a jumbled mess of assassination plans, school events and studying. Hayami knew she couldn’t spare time to go out during school term, lest her mother got suspicious, and winter vacation was too far away.

Chiba was the first to start loosening his grip and Hayami smiled sadly before following his motions. They didn’t need a couple scandal, especially when they weren’t even a couple. They had yet to sit down and properly talk things out so they didn’t need their classmates hyper-analysing every interaction they had.

Hayami sighed as she took a step back, ready to walk at a friendly distance with him. That way they could play it cool and pretend they’d happened to meet up at the shooting booth. However, then she felt a tugging on her pinkie and looked down to see it interlocked with Chiba’s. She bit her lip to contain what could’ve been a very girly squeal, curling her little finger tighter around his.

“This way we can let go before anyone sees anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I've got most of the chapters written up so I should be able to update about once every two or three days? It should be ten chapters in the end but er... my muse has a bad habit of fucking things up so...  
> By the way, forgot to mention, there are quite a number of easter eggs in this fic that I'll be revealing in the final chapter. See you if you notice them~  
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

“Isn’t she walking closer?”

“She totally is!”

“I told you! She’s definitely into me.”

“Hey wait, isn’t she… isn’t she looking at Chiba?”

When Chiba looked up to see what all the commotion was about, he really wished he hadn’t. He wished he hadn’t seen the absolute _beauty_ that was staring right at him, approaching with all the poise in the world.

Well, his friends weren’t kidding. She was eye-catchingly gorgeous. Chiba had to stop in his tracks when he saw such stunning orange hair pulled into twin tails. _And_ she had piercing green eyes that made Chiba’s throat grow dry. He’s always been weak to orange and green combinations.

But that wasn’t even the worst part. An exquisitely beautiful person could hardly phase Chiba, what with Bitch-sensei unknowingly ingraining in them that looks were extremely deceiving. Even though she was taller… Even though her hair was longer… Even though she wore makeup now…

That undeniably familiar sad smile made him want to run away.

He wanted to pull away from his girlfriend, wrench his hand out as if burned. He wanted to hold her until that utterly downcast expression fell from her face. He wanted to kiss her, kiss her the way he never got to all those years ago.

He didn’t do any of those things in the end. He just tightened his grip on his girlfriend’s hand and bit his bottom lip until it was almost bleeding. His body urged him forward but he forcibly stayed in his place, taking in all of her. Taking in everything that had changed and everything that hadn’t. Three years later and that broken look of hers could still make him crumble.

When she was this close, standing right in front of him, pointing her finger at his chest, he felt like running away all over again.

“Gotcha.”

***

It was the perfect moment. No one was looking. Even their ever so sly teacher was distracted. The fireworks had ended and they were both leaning in. Behind a tree, he had her jaw in his hand, idly fiddling with her hair.

It was so awkward. It was a first for both of them after all – they had both somehow managed to elude Bitch-sensei’s attacks in class. She was on her tip toes, lightly gripping at the hem of his shirt, and he was leaning down, both trying to find the right angle. Despite the sheer clumsiness of trying to figure out the perfect angle, it felt so right. It was awkward yet perfect, an oxymoron neither wanted to think about when they accidentally bumped noses.

Trying again, Chiba tilted his head a little more and Hayami lifted her chin just an inch – and now, _now_ it should work. Closing his eyes, Chiba leaned down more and more, half expecting this moment to be magical and half expecting it to be weird because neither of them knew what they were doing.

However, at the last moment, he felt the same swooping feeling of having missed a step, pulled down by deceivingly strong arms around his neck, a face buried his shoulder. Opening his eyes, he turned bright scarlet because being pressed flush against Hayami was almost more embarrassing than reaching for a kiss.

In the next split second he was being pushed against the tree they were trying to sneak a kiss behind, Hayami closer than ever. Chiba gulped because he was blushing all down his neck and his hands had no idea what to do. One was trapped between their bodies and the other was clumsily flailing around. A safe spot to place it would be her back, right? He didn’t want to give her the wrong idea… there were a few perverts in their class and he didn’t want her to think that he was-

“Hey, do you think they’re this way?”

“I swear I saw them five minutes ago…”

“They just disappeared after the fireworks.”

Chiba could hear Hayami’s breathing hitch, blushing even deeper when he realised that her lips were _that_ close to his skin exposed from his shirt. When the footsteps weren’t even faintly in the background of the quiet summer night, Chiba heard Hayami let out a soft sigh. She looked up at him for the first time since their awkward angling for the supposed to be kiss, smiling the most heartbroken smile he had ever seen.

“I think we need to talk about… this, Chiba.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short! It's the shortest in the story so don't worry about such pitiful chapters coming out in the future XD All the rest are definitely over 1K and the next one is actually one of the longer ones so you can look forward to that. Though it is one of the angsty ones so... can't have the best of both worlds XD  
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed!!


	4. Chapter 4

“Did I surprise you?” Chiba almost wanted to laugh at that one. Surprised would be the understatement of the year. He was shell shocked beyond all belief. He was more flabbergasted than when Koro-sensei had first appeared to them when they were in their third year of middle school – and he was a mutant octopus that moved at Mach 20 speed! All he could offer her was a stiff smile, not even meeting her eyes.

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” He’d never meant to hurt Hayami. Ever. No matter how much she hurt him with her silence and secrecy, with her suddenness and heartlessness, he could never bear to reciprocate that even a little. But he’d said it all wrong and now it sounded like he never _wanted_ to see her. Which, really, was the exact opposite of the truth.

“It’s understandable that you’d think that way.” He knew if he looked at her now he’d end up surging forward, pulling her into his embrace for forever. She sounded so guilty like she could never expect him to forgive her. Heck, she sounded like she couldn’t even forgive herself. “I… I recently got some time off and I meant to visit Bitch-sensei but since you’re in Tokyo I… I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”

“Do you keep in contact with anyone else?” It would be a lie to say that the fact she kept in contact with Bitch-sensei wasn’t a stab. It seared through his stomach like hot iron but he just counted the inches between them to calm down. He wanted to scream and shout, cry for the explanation she never gave. Instead, he simply continued counting. He reached seventeen when he noticed how tightly she hugged herself, digging her fingernails into the fabric of her jacket. She looked exactly like the lost, vulnerable girl three years ago. Time was not on his side as it seemed to move backwards, bringing him back to the days he never stopped longing for.

“I only vaguely know that Bitch-sensei is here because of Lovro-sensei.” She sighed, clenching her eyes shut as if attempting to forget what had transpired over the last three years. From what he knew, she probably saw hell over and over again. Maybe coming to Japan was supposed to be a reprieve from all of that. “For all I know, everyone could be an ocean away or across the road from where I’m staying. I’m not supposed to have too many attachments.”

But that left one question: why did she know he was here?

***

They sat here, on a particularly warm autumn night, in utter silence for the past ten minutes. Ever since their weird almost kiss moment, this was their first opportunity to meet up outside of school. Hayami had been tense the entire time, quieter than usual, holding onto him in any way possible, like he would fly away at a drop of a hat. When they had met at the station, she had clung onto his arm in the crowds and now she was holding his hand in a death grip.

“I really like you.” Hayami said quietly, so quietly that he wouldn’t have heard it if the only background sounds weren’t rustling leaves and light traffic. She tightened her grip on his hand, nearly to the point it kind of hurt. Her body was heavy against his, leaning all of her weight on him, practically boneless.

They had never really confessed their feelings for each other properly. They had just sort of started spending more time together – texting, studying, eating lunch together and more. It wasn’t hard to see what was quickly developing between them.

Chiba always imagined their first proper declaration of their budding romance to be full of stuttering and blushing. Averting eyes and shuffling. Fidgeting and hands over faces. They were both still so new to this. He had expected embarrassment and shyness. Yet Chiba felt no butterflies as Hayami told him her feelings straightforwardly for the first time. On the contrary, his stomach flipped with anxiety.

“I really like you too, Rinka.” Chiba said softly, gently rubbing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb. Her hold lessened slightly at the calming action but now that it wasn’t so tense, he could feel it trembling. From his angle he couldn’t see her face clearly and he didn’t know if he wanted to. “What’s wrong?”

“I… I’ve never had anyone understand me.” Hayami said slowly, gulping audibly. She pulled his hand into her lap, cradling it with her two shaking hands. She brought it up close to her face, holding it so preciously Chiba could’ve mistaken his own hand for a priceless diamond. “Yet _you_ do. It’s almost like you can read my mind and it’s the best feeling in the world. But…”

“But?” Chiba prompted, watching as she placed his hand back down but never letting it go. Her grasp was loose enough that he could pull away if he really wanted to but that was the last thing he wanted. He shifted his body a bit so he could look at her straight on, feeling his insides do all kinds of gymnastics when he saw her totally unguarded expression. She looked so vulnerable, so tiny and scared. He took their joined hands in his free one, pulling it between them and angling his body so he could catch her gaze that was fixated at their hands. “Talk to me, Rinka.”

“It’s scary, Chiba. It’s the scariest thing I could ever feel. In less than a year, the world could be gone and I know… I just _know_ my mother would be against me getting in a relationship now.” Hayami confessed, squeezing their hands as tight as she could. Her bottom lip trembled and she turned her head away, unable to face his imploring gaze anymore. She couldn’t even see his eyes but she could feel the concern and worry that he was directing at her with them. “In less than a year, I could lose the person I trust the most and if we get any closer… Letting this go further would make it all the more painful when the time comes… We could get distracted and that could cost us saving the entire world… Something like this isn’t sustainable…”

Oh… Oh. Of course, why didn’t he think of this sooner? Hayami was one of the most, if not most, mature people in their class. Her mind sent her on worrying sprees about things that kids their age shouldn’t even have to think about. A relationship at this stage of their lives was completely illogical. It would be short lived and painful, interrupted by intense studying and assassination plans. Maybe even the end of the world.

 _That_ was why she wanted to keep it a secret. _That_ was why she avoided his kiss. _That_ was why she’d avoided the question when he asked her why she didn’t call him by his first name. In the midst of falling deeper and deeper, she’d been caught in a whirlwind of anxieties brought on by her own mind.

However, she was still a kid. She was still a fifteen year old child in middle school. She might not act the part and she might have a part time assassin job but that didn’t change anything. No matter how much she knew letting herself getting lost in everything that was Chiba Ryuunosuke would be nothing but detrimental, she didn’t want to let go. She held onto him with all her might, shaking with a resolve that wasn’t quite there.

There were words on the tip of her tongue that could end it right here and right now. Yet she couldn’t say them. Her throat dried up and her tongue felt numb from the very thought. She’d break it off and save herself so much pain and aggravation but she’d lose him forever. She’d lose the one person that understood her with or without words.

What would she do when she lost him? Become the silent, isolated loner she’s been her whole life?

“Let’s just wait then.” Chiba said easily, breaking her out of her downward spiral. When she snapped her head up to finally look him in the eyes, Chiba was pleased to see her look of utter fear replaced with one of shock. He smiled tenderly, pulling her hands closer to him in an attempt to calm her down. “We can simply wait until we assassinate Koro-sensei. After we do, then we can start dating for real. Until then, I’ll be here for you, like I have been this entire time.”

It took a few moments for Chiba’s words to settle in but when they did, she broke the stillness with a fit of giggles. That alone was enough to send Chiba into his own disbelief. Had he said something funny? This was a good sign, right? It should mean she’s not mad at the very least, right? He’d never heard her laugh so much before, so hopefully it was?

However, he didn’t have time to ponder because Hayami decided to tackle him in the tightest hug she could muster. One moment he was staring in bewilderment at Hayami, the next he was slightly dazed with his back on the bench they were sitting on, a weight on his chest.

Hayami had her arms around his middle, her face snuggled in his collarbone and wow, Chiba didn’t want to imagine how red he was. He really hoped this was an affectionate action on Hayami’s part and not some sort of act of violence because she thought his idea was stupid. Her delighted, but dying down, giggles proved the latter to be rather false though.

“When that time comes, will you show me your eyes?” Hayami asked once she’d stopped laughing. She seemed rather comfortable on top of him and Chiba didn’t have the heart to do anything but reciprocate the embrace. She was warm and fit perfectly. It was comfortable. Could this get any more like those Shoujo manga Fuwa had distaste for? “I’ll call you by your first name then too.”

“Let me kiss you when this is all over and it’s a deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I almost forgot to post this today XD and I proofread this while like half asleep so if you see any like...super glaringly bad English just close one eye ok~  
> Hope you enjoyed~


	5. Chapter 5

“Why?” Chiba had so much to say. So much to ask. He had been left with such a gaping pit of un answered questions that now that he had her in front of him he didn’t know where to start. So many questions and yet they all started with the same word.

“I’m sorry.” Hayami replied, her eyes glued to a spot on the ground. She seemed to be moving as far away from him on the bench as possible, trying to run away and yet stay in his presence. It was almost laughable because all those years ago, on this very same bench, she’d been pressed against him like they were one and the same.

“That’s not an answer, Hayami.” Chiba said simply and he couldn’t help but notice the way she flinched. Her eyes widened for a moment before she sighed with resignation. She knew. She _knew_. She’d erected this wall between them herself but she’d hoped. She’d hoped, just like she had when she was fifteen in his arms, for something that wasn’t realistic by any standards.

He went back to counting in the silence, waiting for her response. He didn’t want to see her face contort as she decided on her answer. Even though she always wore a mask, now thicker than ever, he could still see what she felt. Just barely now, because somehow this person was different yet the same, but he didn’t want to know what she was going to say before she said it.

Chiba expected a lot of things from her. He half expected her to close off completely and leave. He half expected her to look him in the eyes and tell him she only came for closure, perhaps to also give it to him in the process. All of the above would, of course, break his heart because then he would know nothing had changed. They’d gotten older, they’d gone different places, they’d both presumably moved on but they were unchanged. Totally and completely.

Hearing her hiccup was not in those expectations.

“I’m sorry… I-I’m so, so sorry.” Hayami said shakily, her voice brittle, fragile like cracked glass. She heaved and hiccupped like a five year old child, choking out broken apologies as fast as she could. She repeated them like a broken record, chanting them like her life depended on it. Maybe in this case, it did.

He didn’t need to look up to know she was crying. She was probably bawling her eyes out like never before. He still felt his heart get torn to shreds when he raised his head, though. He’d imagined it already, he’d anticipated it and he knew what was to be awaiting him when he looked at her, and yet it hurt more than anything before. He’d never seen her cry before, she’d always kept such a tight cap on her emotions, and he wasn’t sure if he’d ever want to see it again.

Hayami was doubled over, clutching herself like she’d break into a million pieces if she didn’t hold herself together. Perhaps she _was_ falling apart. With the way she was crying, he wouldn’t be surprised if she shattered right in front of him. Tears fell messily and clumsily, her sobs noisy and ugly. She was far from a pretty crier but Chiba thought she was stunning. Breath-taking. Exquisite in her state of absolute honesty. She made his breath catch the way a piece of ancient architecture, torn and weathered, would. Gorgeous in its tragedy. Heart wrenchingly beautiful because she was finally getting out the words she never said, no matter how painful it was.

“I-I shouldn’t have come. I shouldn’t have but… but I wanted to. I… I _needed_ to.” Hayami continued, her makeup was running but she didn’t seem to mind. Everything disappeared as she tried to expel whatever demons were ripping her apart. The rest of the world didn’t matter when it was just her and him and the snow. The same snow that snatched them from each other three years ago.

How many times had she looked back on that night and regretted and regretted it? How many times had she chastised herself, scolded herself, filled herself with such hatred for leaving him without a word? How many times had she wished, desperately wished, she’d kept their promise?

“I-I’ve always wanted to say sorry… I’ve wanted to say it every day for three years…” Hayami sniffled loudly, her whole body shaking. She opened her eyes after a few moments of just her sobbing, trying to calm down, wearing a painful smile on her lips. “I wonder what I was thinking coming to see you… what was I expecting to see? I’m sorry, Chiba.” She stood up on unsteady legs, holding herself tighter than ever, giving him a look that spoke of goodbyes. A look that if, perhaps, she’d given him all those years ago, he would’ve been able to move on. “She’s beautiful. She’s incredibly lucky to have you.”

When she made a move to run off, run away from him and never look back, he should’ve let her go. He should’ve let her go off and never return. At least this time it would be on his terms. She’d given him closure, at least a little bit, so maybe this time he’d be able to move on properly. She’d haunted him for the last three years, never leaving his mind for long, so after this encounter maybe they could… they could both live their lives separately properly.

But…

But…

But…

His body moved with his heart, reaching out to her and hugging her from behind before she could get too far. He squeezed as hard as he could, not that he needed to, she was too shocked to struggle. He buried his face in her neck, in her hair, in her everything. Three years later, no matter how many different names and identities she took on, she was still Hayami Rinka.

“Don’t go. Don’t leave me again.”

***

After Hayami called him earlier that night with a simple, desperate plea of ‘ _please_ ’, Chiba had run as fast he could to their meeting spot. How could he not after such a heart-breaking phone call?

When he met her, she was still in her school uniform, hair dishevelled, trying to hide a blossoming bruise on her left cheek. It left him utterly dumbfounded – it was big and ugly and painful to just look at. As a class training to assassinate a practically invincible target, there had been countless practice injuries. None of those had looked as horrid as the hideous blotch of reddish-purple on Hayami’s skin.

They stood in silence for a few moments, Hayami avoiding his gaze in vehemence, cradling her cheek, not offering a single word of greeting. The quiet of the night was excruciating and awkward – what was he supposed to say? Instead, he let his actions do the talking, as per usual, as he pulled her into his embrace, stroking her head with one hand and her back with the other.

It was kind of gross because he was sweating buckets but that hardly mattered. With the way she sank into his arms, he knew it was exactly what she wanted. Right now, all she needed was to feel him there. She needed to know that in this time of difficulty he’d catch her, catch her and ground her the way no one else could.

“Take me somewhere safe… _please_.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Iunno if I can continue updating every other day... I haven't even finished chapter 9 and chapter 10 is gonna be one heck of a hurdle that I've hardly planned... I'll see how it goes though XD If I don't finish those two in time I'll just post them when they're finished then I guess~
> 
> Oh and just a warning, the next chapter gets onto the slightly heavier stuff so...it's not gonna be only fluff and rainbows. Not that this has been fluff and rainbows from the beginning lol
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter~


	6. Chapter 6

This was wrong. This was so, so _wrong_.

Chiba shouldn’t be walking into a girl’s hotel room in the dead of night when he already had a girlfriend. He shouldn’t be clinging to her like a lifeline, pressing closer by the minute. This was immoral and disrespectful to his girlfriend but at this point his head and heart were at war. And his heart was winning by a landslide.

Eventually they managed to stumble onto the bed in a tangle of limbs that wouldn’t let go of each other for even a second. He had her face in his hands and she had hers on his waist, their legs an intertwined mess he didn’t even want to think about. Chiba pressed their foreheads together, closing his eyes and savouring every second. If he imagined hard enough he could pretend the last three years were totally different. He could picture it now: three years ago after their teacher had died by their hands Hayami became his girlfriend and this situation would be so _right_.

“I’ve missed you all this time. I’ve missed you so much.” Chiba murmured, opening his eyes only to see Hayami look utterly downcast. He could tell her mind was running a mile a minute and he wished he could stop it for her. She was constantly trying to think a hundred steps ahead, never living in the moment and always worrying for the future. He wished he could stop time just for her so she could finally enjoy the present.

“You have a girlfriend, Chiba.” Hayami said but her body betrayed her as he felt her shift closer, hands tightening on the fabric of his jacket. When they’d come in, they’d been so lost in each other they were still in their full outer wear, shoes and all. Chiba didn’t even know what colour the walls of her hotel room were. “This is unfair to her… I shouldn’t be doing this to you. You moved on and I…”

“I never moved on.” Chiba interrupted, thumbs stroking her cheeks. Her eyes were bloodshot, her cheeks pink and blotchy and there was smudged makeup smeared across her face. She’d cried so hard that even twenty minutes later there were signs of her outburst. “I’ve never stopped thinking about you these last three years. I tried to forget about you but I couldn’t.”

“But your girlfriend…” Hayami said softly, closing her eyes and trying to shake off the wonderful feeling that was being wrapped up in Chiba. Never did she imagine that they’d end up like this. She thought he’d spit in her face and walk away, unforgiving (because she didn’t deserve a single drop of his forgiveness).

“I’ve always loved your eyes.” Chiba said suddenly, caressing the skin just below her eyes. She opened them again under his gentleness, utterly relaxed in his hold. She looked confused at his seemingly unrelated statement and he gave her a little smile. “They’re such a nice shade of green.”

Then everything clicked. Fresh tears welled in the corners of Hayami’s eyes and Chiba could only hit himself internally. It should’ve been obvious this entire time. It took Hayami appearing on a nostalgic snowy night to notice something so blatant.

He’d been living such a lie it was laughable. He lived under the pretence that everything was fine and yet one of his closest companions was only a replacement for one that left a gaping hole in his being. He’d rushed into the relationship as soon as the opportunity presented itself, hoping it’d heal his broken heart when really it was only a poor excuse of a Band-Aid.

That’s why when he’d seen her he’d wanted to run. Not away from her but away from this life full of deceiving himself. He’d wanted to run straight to her and get away from all the insincerity he’d laced into his routine. When had he become such a liar?

“So, can I stay with you, Rinka?”

***

Chiba wasn’t going to lie. This was a tad bit awkward. He could count the number of sentences they’d said to each other since meeting up on one hand and now they’d ended up in Chiba’s bedroom. Hayami was sitting on his bed, in his clothes, her hair wet and down from a shower. Explaining why he was bringing a girl home in the dead of night to his mother had been a stuttering mess.

However, perhaps it’d been the way he’d danced around the reason, pleading with his body language. This boy, her son, that’d never asked her for help, never complained and never given her excuses for his mistakes, was practically begging her. So, she gave him a gentle smile, all kind eyes and forgiving, saying she’d set up the spare futon in his room, asking if Hayami would like a shower because she looked awfully tired.

“Er…” Chiba started nervously, closing the door behind him quietly. Hayami looked up, eyes lifeless, hands folded in her lap. She looked utterly listless and it was terrifying. She was always quiet but he’d learnt to see the almost sparkling energy behind her cool façade. He’d never seen her so dispirited. “My mum told me to give you this for the swelling.”

It was kind of funny the way he held out the ice pack like a peace offering. Hayami wasn’t fragile and hardly had a short fuse. Yet here he was tip toeing around her like she’d either break or explode if he so much as said one word wrongly.

She offered him a small smile, strained but at least it was a slight improvement, before taking the ice pack. She pressed it to her cheek, hissing softly as the coldness made contact with her sore skin. Chiba took this as a sign to approach a little closer, sitting beside her on the bed, touching her free hand tenderly, just to let her know he was there when she decided to say something.

Silence filled the small bedroom but at least it wasn’t as suffocating anymore. He heard Hayami give a small sigh and decided to hold her hand, instead of only placing his on top of hers. Hopefully, it would give her the courage to talk about whatever was weighing so heavily (and maybe explain why she was sporting such a big bruise).

“She’s very kind. Your mother.” Hayami began and with the way she squeezed his hand back, he knew the story of her bruise was coming. She leaned her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes, shoulders shaking, clearly remembering something she desperately didn’t want to. When she opened her eyes again, she looked broken all over again. “You’re so lucky. I wish…”

“Did…” Chiba gulped because this was one hell of an assumption but from what Hayami was saying… she wasn’t really leaving much to the imagination. “Did she do this to you?”

“This is the first time she’s hit me.” Hayami said quickly, as if an instinct inside her was telling her to defend her mother. “It’s probably my fault. I can never do her proud and with our results last time and our assassination training running later recently… I guess she got angry. I shouldn’t have run away but… but I was scared. I _am_ scared.”

Ah, the second trimester mid-term results… None of them had done exceptionally well (with the exception of Karma, of course) – a lot of them had seen a decline in their results. From what Chiba knew Hayami’s mother was hardly the most understanding person. She was strict and came to see Karasuma-sensei on a regular basis to make sure Hayami was in check. Hayami’s mother kept her on as tight a leash as she could.

It wasn’t too surprising that someone like that would get a bit suspicious when their daughter was coming back later and later as their results worsened. It definitely did seem like Hayami was out playing around instead of knuckling down and studying. But to hit her so hard that it left such a bruise…

“It’s not your fault. This isn’t your fault.” Chiba said, leaning his head on top of hers. He couldn’t even fathom what it was like to live with a parent that placed so much pressure on their child. His parents were often frustrated with his detachment, never defending himself or arguing, but they respected his space and didn’t blame him for his failures. Hayami’s mother was practically a whole other species. “You’re trying your best. No one could ask for anything more from you.”

“Then… then why?” Hayami whispered, putting down the ice pack. She turned her face into his neck, trying to find a safe place to hide from the world and its cruelties. One of the biggest of them was always looming over her shoulder, scolding her, reprimanding her, telling her how worthless she was. Not only was she a disgrace to herself but her mother as well. A disappointment in every sense of the word. Not good enough. Never good enough. “Why can I never do anything right by her? Why is everything I do so wrong? I only… I only want her to acknowledge how hard I’m trying…”

“You’re not doing anything wrong, Rinka.” Chiba said firmly, using his free hand to lift her face, being extra careful of her bruise. He cradled her jaw gently in one hand, looking directly in her eyes to try and communicate his message as strongly as he could. “You’re amazing the way you are. If your mother can’t realise that… then that’s her loss. And if you ever need to run from her, I’m right here. We’ll figure something out. We can even ask Koro-sensei for help. I’m sure he can help.”

And for the first time that night, Chiba saw a genuine smile spread on Hayami’s face. For a second, at least for this second, he could erase all her worries, no matter how out of reach a solution seemed. If they could try and figure out how to assassinate their almost unkillable teacher, then they could try and figure out Hayami’s home situation.

Hayami leaned her forehead against his, smiling so much it hurt because this boy… this boy would never hurt her. She could feel it in his touch. She could feel it in his words. They were so raw and pure – she knew he truly wanted to help her as much as possible. Chiba would, most definitely, do anything in his power to give her peace of mind from her mother. Or from anything in the world really.

How she wished to every shooting star she could believe in him.

How she desperately pleaded to every fibre in her being that that sense of doubt would just melt away.

How she hoped with everything she had that her mind hadn’t flashed to the name card in her bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I finished writing chapter 9 today so I've more or less finished writing the main plot of this fic~ chapter 10 is just gonna be a clusterfuck of fluff and domestic stuff that I need to get out of my system XD I have no idea how I'm going to write it so er... that one might actually take a while :P
> 
> Anyway, if you can't tell from this chapter, I love forehead touches. It just gets me in the feels :3 Oh and sorry for the angst-ish-ness. I've always HC-ed Hayami's relationship with her mum as estranged ever since chapter 68. So, I just took it one step further oops
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!!


	7. Chapter 7

****Chiba had to do this. He had to, had to. If he didn’t not only would he be being disrespectful to his girlfriend and Hayami but to himself. He’d be lying to everyone, front and centre stage. He was tired of acting. Tired of playing pretend like everything was fine now. That everything was complete.

“It’s because of that girl last night, isn’t?” She asked, eyes full of tears. Oh, how he loved her eyes. They were such a beautiful shade of green that they’d been the first thing he’d noticed about her.

She’d confessed to him in the spring of their second year and he’d said yes to her without a second thought. He had been saying yes to her eyes more than to her as a person. He hadn’t noticed her short black hair or her sweet, mellow voice. He had hardly known her name at the time. He had been too mesmerised by eyes that hit a little too close to home. He had been so selfish. So utterly selfish. He’d told himself so many excuses when they were dating that he could hardly believe it was him.

Now, he kind of wanted to back out of this because… he couldn’t stand to see those green eyes so anguished.

But then he remembered a different pair of green eyes, staring at him sternly, telling him she wouldn’t let them continue on until he did right by his girlfriend. Chiba could tell how much she wanted the two of them to stay cocooned in the warmth that was each other and the hotel blanket. However, more than that, she wanted him to be fair to his girlfriend. She let him stay the night, wrapped in each other’s arms, but not further.

In the morning, she’d woken him up for school, stroked his hair, smiled softly and grabbed him breakfast from the café in the hotel lobby. It was so painfully domestic that it physically hurt. It was everything he envisioned for them all those years ago and more. He had to do this. He had to bite the bullet, swallow the pain and do this or the dream he woke up to that morning would remain unreal, forever out of his reach.

“I’m sorry…” Chiba murmured, eyes glued to the floor. He couldn’t keep looking at her or he’d cave. He cared for her; there was no doubt about that. Their year together had been fun. It’d been full of laughs and dates he’d never forget. Yet they couldn’t carry on. It was a disservice to her to continue on with this act. “I’m being horrible for doing this to you but I…”

“Hey,” She said clearly, touching his hand. She brought it to her face, letting him cup her cheek one last time. “It’s ok. It hurts me to see you beat yourself up so badly.”

Chiba opened his mouth to retort, tell her what a despicable person he was for stringing her on for so long only to dump her when he’d met his almost girlfriend from years ago. He was an A-class douchebag. It would’ve felt better for her to curse him, call him names, slap him and hate him for the rest of her life. Yet she was so wonderful, so understanding and forgiving, a step away from his perfect girl and here he was, treating her like yesterday’s news. Like she was some seat warmer for Hayami.

She promptly silenced him with a finger to his lips.

“I knew, you know. I’m not so stupid. There had to be some reason why you always looked so uncomfortable whenever I tried to call you by your first name.” She was amazing. She was ridiculously incredible. He had to have been the luckiest guy alive to have had her for the year that he had. How was she so understanding? How could she stand there and smile so sweetly as he broke up with her the day after she saw him walk off with another girl? “You’ve never looked at me the way you looked at her. She’s one lucky girl.”

How could he do this to her? (He felt her touch his cheek.) How could he treat her so poorly? (He felt her caress his cheek softly, gently, like a mother would to her new-born child.) Why couldn’t he have been satisfied with her by his side? (Her hand was so soothing that it made him feel better as much as it made him feel worse.)

“I’m just not the lucky one so don’t cry, ok?”

***

“Chiba, do you remember this?” Hayami said as she slid a simple white card towards him. Chiba had been lounging on his bed, trying his best to tackle a particularly nasty biology question. He invited Hayami over to study and by some stroke of luck, Hayami’s mother had given the go ahead.

Ever since the incident a few weeks ago, Chiba assumed things had smoothed over with Hayami and her mother. She had left first thing in the morning after that night, thanking Chiba’s parents profusely for their hospitality, and when she came for school she seemed to be in a reasonably good mood. She’d managed to cover up the bruise with some help from Bitch-sensei (because no matter how much Hayami tried to pretend she wasn’t fond of her, she did trust Bitch-sensei) so there were no questions from their peers or teachers. Though he had a feeling Koro-sensei knew but Koro-sensei knew pretty much everything so he didn’t count. All in all, Hayami seemed more or less fine now. Perhaps her mother had had a revelation like Nagisa’s mother did?

This was supposed to be a study session but Hayami had been awfully distracted the entire time. Fiddling, shifting around and now asking for his attention for something not school related. Usually when Hayami studied she dived into her own little world and wouldn’t surface for air if someone didn’t drag her out of it. Well, his eyes were getting tired from staring at his biology paper blankly. Taking a break and soothing whatever worries had been plaguing Hayami sounded like an epically good idea.

The card was mostly blank with only two big, bold lines of text: ‘Lovro Brofski’ and a phone number. Before their summer assassination attempt, Lovro had given them both a card each, asking them to think about it if they ever felt like entering the assassination world for real. Chiba had absentmindedly shoved the card into his backpack and now he didn’t even know where it was. Becoming an assassin was hardly a goal of his.

“Yeah. What about it?” Chiba asked as he rolled onto his back, gesturing with his hand for her to come closer than her seat on the edge of his bed. She scooted closer to him, lying beside him and letting him pull her head onto his chest. They were getting dangerously intimate in the last few weeks to the point that hugging was second nature to them as soon as prying eyes were away. They were supposed to keep each other at arm’s length but they could hardly keep their hands off each other since that night in this very room.

“Have you… have you ever thought about it?” Hayami said slowly, reaching for his free hand, his other one petting the top of her head. He found out quickly that in times of distress or uneasiness Hayami needed physical contact. She gave off a strong aura of ‘don’t touch me’ but secretly she craved it.

“No. I can’t really pursue being an architect when I have to go around killing people in secret.” Chiba said, trying to make light of the situation. He didn’t like the direction this conversation was heading. Hayami was hardly the childish, short-sighted type – she couldn’t possibly be thinking of taking up Lovro’s offer, right? She’d even told him that when all this craziness over the assassination was over she wanted to return to her normal life, more than anything in the world. “Have you been thinking about it?”

“I just found it in my bag the other day, that’s all. Don’t worry too much.” Hayami said soothingly, intertwining their fingers in a sign of comfort. Chiba felt her snuggle further into his arms, feeling her relax fully. For the first time since she’d arrived, she felt totally at peace, a great weight having been lifted off her shoulders. The questions that haunted her day and night were answered firmly. “Can we stay like this for a while?”

She very well couldn’t tell him she gave Lovro a call last night now could she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I realised this chapter might not be so interesting for the Chibahaya fans considering the bulk of it isn't even an interaction between them XD however, it was kind of needed because I didn't want to make Chiba out to be a asshole cheater so :P we get to the good stuff in the last few chapters~  
> BTW, anyone else devastated that our precious sniper couple is probably gonna be split up next chapter?? ;.; I'm quite torn considering that if they fight we can at least hope for a wonderful reconciliation full of feels *.*  
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed!!


	8. Chapter 8

It was supposed to be magical. It was supposed to be soft and sweet like the movies. They were supposed to hold hands and lean in slowly. There were supposed to be fireworks going off behind their eyelids and butterflies fluttering in their bellies.

Instead, as soon as Hayami had opened the door to her hotel room, Chiba had practically pounced on her.   His mouth was on hers in seconds and after the shock set in she was reciprocating just as eagerly. It was all tongue and teeth, grabby hands in hair. Three years. They’d been starved of each other for three years and now they were at each other like hungry beasts.

Chiba heard Hayami kick the door closed behind them and all of a sudden he was being pushed on the bed, Hayami climbing on top of him before he could blink. She had one hand on his school tie, pulling it to loosen it up, the other in his hair, running her fingers through it as she dove for another kiss. Chiba could hardly complain though when he had both his hands on her waist, pulling her closer than should be possible.

Thinking back on it, it was foolish of Chiba to think their first kiss would end up being as innocent as the ones in dramas or films. Three years was a long time. In those three years, Chiba had been intimate with his girlfriend enough. Hayami had probably seen the world and more, done things Chiba didn’t even want to think about. They’d matured. They weren’t children anymore. What was between them wasn’t so simple anymore.

“They’re just as beautiful as I thought they would be.” Hayami said after they pulled away for breath. They were both heaving and Chiba had to pointedly turn his gaze away from Hayami’s neckline and chest, mostly exposed by the simple tank top she wore. If he didn’t, he’d be having a rather awkward situation in his pants.

Speaking of what he saw and didn’t see, Chiba noticed that his vision wasn’t demarked by thick shabby hair. Somewhere in their intense making out, Hayami had swept his hair out of his eyes. Out of reflex, he moved to cover them with something, anything. Since young, people had shied away from him, purposely avoiding him sometimes, because of his sharp gaze. Without even meaning to he gave people a look of utter intimidation. He even remembered making someone cry without doing something.

“Don’t.” Hayami said gently, catching his wrist before he could cover up. She kissed his cheek, not unlike the way his mother did whenever he came home upset that another kid ran away because he’d given them an intense look (all he’d done was make eye contact, really). “You don’t have anything to hide.”

“You don’t… you don’t think they’re scary?” Chiba said weakly, gulping. He felt like a five year old child again, back when everything seemed too big to tackle. There wasn’t much that could affect Chiba to this point but this was a demon that lived with him for longer than he could remember. Apart from his parents, there was never anyone that wasn’t at least startled by his gaze. Even adults told their kids not too get too close because he looked unapproachable and unfriendly. How could Hayami look him directly in the eye and not pull away? Even his ex-girlfriend had flinched when she saw them the first time. Now, Hayami was closer than ever.

“I think they’re gorgeous.” Hayami whispered against his lips before pecking him lightly. She rolled off of him and sat up against the headboard of the bed, patting her lap with a gentle smile. Unable to resist, Chiba crawled on the bed towards her, laying his head on her lap, thoroughly enjoying how she ran her fingers through his hair.

It was ridiculously soothing and Chiba couldn’t help but internally chuckle because she was pointedly sweeping his hair out of his eyes. He’d spent his entire life hating them, detesting them and cursing them, sometimes wishing he’d been born without them, yet here she was, going out of her way to see them. It was mind boggling to say the least.

“Is this how you seduced all your targets?” Chiba asked quietly because it was still a sore spot. How many times had she held men in her arms like this? How many times had she pulled other guys close and kissed them sweetly before pulling the trigger? How many times had other men tasted her tongue the way he did just today right before she slit their throats? How many times had she gone off and drawn them in with sweet words and seductive eyes?

“Not really.” Hayami said after a pause, her fingers stopping momentarily. Of course he would ask her about the past three years. They were a dark stain on her life, a hell that she relived in her darkest nightmares. It was one thing to kill their beloved teacher, a one-off that hit them all hard. It was another to grow numb to the sight of someone’s brain being blown to pieces in her scope. “I did mainly sniping and undercover missions. I did do a few seduction assignments but that was only when Lovro-sensei had no one else to call. I know the basics but I’m no Bitch-sensei.”

Chiba reached for Hayami’s face, cupping her cheek before pulling her down for a quick kiss. Her expression had been downright remorseful. Behind her eyes he could see her memories of the last three years come rushing back. All the awful things she did. All the times she deceived people. All the times she pointed her gun at someone, resisted the urge to close her eyes and did the deed. All the times she saw a life, a precious life, fade away right before her in a pool of blood. How he wished he could erase all of them so she’d never make that face ever again.

“You really do look like Bitch-sensei with your hair down.” Chiba teased to lighten the mood. He ran his fingers down the length of her long, loose hair, which reached all the way down her back now, watching with amusement as her expression went from dejected to mildly pissed off. He always knew how to push her buttons, especially after she told him she specifically changed her hairstyle because she detested looking like their English teacher. She decided to respond to his taunting with an unmerciful flick to the forehead (which really hurt by the way).

“You’re a real jerk sometimes, you know that.” Hayami huffed, pouting at him and he couldn’t help but think she was adorable. Her features had matured, she looked very much like a refined young lady now, and yet she looked ten years younger with that pout. Chiba grinned unabashedly back at her, unapologetic for his jab because this was so easy. It was like their three years apart had never existed. It reminded him of their first date where after the tension had been broken they’d eased back into their regular banter like it was second nature. “But I guess I owe you something now.”

“Hmm?” Chiba said tilting his head in her lap, taking her hands in his. Her expression was soft and hesitant. Whatever was coming was going to be painful. For both him and her. He needed something to ground him and if he knew her as much as he hoped he did, she needed it too.

“I owe you the truth, Ryuunosuke. I owe you the reason why I left to be an assassin.”

***

When the adrenaline wore off, the weight of what had just happened sank in. The feeling of victory was immediately beaten down with an unreasonably heavy feeling of sorrow. There was blood on all of their hands and no one could be happy with that. They should’ve been jumping for joy because they just saved the world. They should’ve been crying tears of happiness at their success. They’d killed the monster that was supposed to blow up the earth.

Yet, here they were, silent and downcast. Nagisa looked absolutely horrified, Karma’s legs gave out on him, Akari was shaking, Kurahashi was crying, Maehara was on his knees, beating the crap out of the ground… The list could go on. Chiba himself was digging his fingernails into his palms, desperately, desperately hoping this was a dream. He wanted this whole plan and its execution to be a horrible, horrible hallucination.

The man they had killed a moment ago was not the monster the world made him out to be. He was no abomination out for earth’s destruction. He was the best teacher they could’ve ever hoped for. He looked them in the eyes, pushed them to their goals and refused to let them give up on themselves. When even their families had turned their backs on them and their futures, Koro-sensei was there, pulling them forward, urging them to continue because they were worth it. They were worth more than everyone else said they were. They weren’t the dirt under their shoes. They were people that could run ahead if they so wanted to.

Chiba frantically sprinted for Hayami’s sniping spot. His insides burned and his eyes hurt from how much he wanted to cry then and there but he needed to get there. Whether it was for himself or her, he didn’t know.

Maybe he was so anxious because he didn’t know what she was feeling. She could be curled up in a ball, cursing herself for pulling a trigger that helped end the life of their teacher. She could be crying her eyes out or punching a tree out of anger at fate for doing this to them. Maybe it was because more than anything he wanted her arms around him, for her to whisper into his hair and tell him they’d be fine.

However, when he reached there, expecting Hayami to jump to him, pull him close and drag him to the ground because her legs weren’t working properly anymore, he saw nothing but her sniper rifle and the snow. He looked around frantically, even taking a peek through her scope to see if she’d joined the others. She was nowhere to be found.

He talked himself into thinking maybe she ran home. Maybe the overwhelming sense of guilt had hit her like a truck and she couldn’t take it. Maybe she needed alone time. Maybe she thought meeting up with everyone else would make it worse. Maybe she broke down and was trying to hide it from everyone, even him. Maybe, maybe, maybe…

Unfortunately for Chiba, that maybe turned into him not seeing her the next day or the next or the next… or for the next three years.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited kiss is here! Well, at least it was long awaited for me. It took like seven chapters and 10K words so let's just say it was kind of long awaited XD
> 
> Sorry for forgetting to upload yesterday!!
> 
> The next chapter is gonna be a flip of the usual structure in that it's going to be past --> present rather than the usual present --> flashback. It's 3K which makes it the longest chapter to date but the final chapter, the epilogue, is probably going to be much much longer. I dunno if I should make that promise though cuz I still haven't started... I'm sorry for being a lazy ass :P
> 
> Hope you enjoyed ^^


	9. Chapter 9

_Dear ~~Ryuunosuke~~ Chiba,_

_This is goodbye. Actually Lovro-san told me I should leave without a trace but it didn’t feel right not saying something to you. You must think I’m crazy because leaving at all shouldn’t feel right._

_And you’re correct._

_It feels awful. It feels horrible that I made this decision without telling you. I should’ve told you but I didn’t want to know your response if I told you. I didn’t want you to change because of something I’d decided._

_What am I even writing… I’m just making excuses. I didn’t want you to change my mind. I know this is probably a huge surprise and even I’m shocked at how it’s come to this. I hope you can forget me after this… we probably won’t ever see each other again._

_I want you to know that what we had… whatever it was… I treasure every moment of it ~~and I’ll always wonder what it would’ve been like to call you by your name. Or see your eyes. Or kiss you.~~_

_~~I’m sorry.~~ _

_~~I’m sorry.~~ _

_~~I’m sorry.~~ _

_Hayami Rinka_

Cold. Heartless. Cruel. None of these words were on the paper but they practically flew from the page. This white page that was filled with words written and crossed out over and over again. Chiba refused to acknowledge the tears that stained the page, both fresh and old, smudging the ink. He tore it up and dumped it in the bin, hoping this was all only a dream.

He desperately wished these past two days were nothing but a terrible, terrible dream. He wanted to wake up tomorrow, go to school, see Hayami’s shy smile, hear her call him by his first name for the first time and forget that Bitch-sensei even handed him the horrible letter that was a mess in his trash. He wanted to forget the pitiful look Bitch-sensei had given him when she passed him the envelope. She’d known all along.

She’d known and didn’t stop Hayami. Anyone in their right mind would’ve stopped her. If it was him, he would’ve locked her away, talked and screamed at her until she understood not to go away. In all her maturity and forward thinking why couldn’t she see what a stupid idea this was? Why did she have to go and make this decision all by herself? Why couldn’t she say something to him? Why couldn’t she let him give her a voice of reason?

Before he went to bed that night, Chiba fished out the letter, taped it back together and filed it away for safe keeping.

***

Hayami wouldn’t look him in the eyes. They were sitting across from each other on her spacious queen sized bed, (the assassin job really must pay well because her hotel room was _huge_ ) simply holding hands in a comfortable silence. Hayami had actually wanted to remain in their cozy position against the headboard but Chiba protested, saying he would rather look her straight in the face.

He had spent his whole life hiding his eyes. Now that he was unguarded and exposed, eyes revealed for the whole world to see, he wanted to face her properly. As she took her turn to open up, to tell him the proper truth, he didn’t want her to hide. They needed to do this the right way, facing each other and whatever the future had in store.

In the continued quiet, Chiba saw Hayami take several deep breaths, opening her mouth to say something before quickly deciding against it and biting her lip in frustration. She squeezed his hands, impatient at herself for being so cowardly. She at least owed him this.

How many times had she practiced this explanation before she went to bed? How many times had she fantasised about a reunion like this? He was right here, open ears and all hers. Yet she couldn’t find the words at all.

“Take your time.” Chiba soothed, rubbing soft circles on the back of her hands with his thumbs, hoping it’d calm her at least a bit. He saw her shoulders tense before relaxing once again, as if Hayami was trying to expel the nervousness forcefully. His voice was gentle and warm, an actual embodiment of hot chocolate on a freezing day. She would drown herself in it all day if she could. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Intertwining their fingers, Hayami arranged the muddled mess of words that swam around in her head. Where did she start? What if it came out all wrong? How could she explain what had been going through her reckless, distraught fifteen year old brain? She’d been miserable, her mind had hardly been very logical. How could she possibly phrase it in a way that he would understand without thinking she was crazy and thoughtless?

All those questions flew out of her mind the second she lifted her head to look him in the eyes. On his face was the kindest smile she’d ever seen. It was tender, not pushing her or cajoling her. It did more than calm her down.

Coupled with the way his eyes, his beautiful mellow red eyes, softened, it made her feel as if her whole body was melting. She’d always wondered what colour his eyes would be – whether they’d be a deep chocolate brown or a bright blue. She’d never thought they’d be such a soft red, almost pink, striking yet gentle in their own way. They made her feel like she was the most important thing in the world, the only person that would be reflected so clearly in them. It was as if no matter what she said, he would understand.

It was so simple. She’d just tell him everything.

“Ever since my parents got divorced, my mother has never been very nice to me.” Hayami began, gulping, averting her eyes to the ceiling so she could keep the emotions at bay. She’d never told anyone the full story of her home life and simply starting the tale felt like cracks in a dam she’s had her entire life. Her emotions were dangerously threatening to overflow and flood over her. “No matter what I did I was a disappointment. She’d tell me how ashamed she was of me. How she’d invested so much time and money in me yet I only ever failed her. When I fell to Class E it only got worse. I became a disgusting stain on her life. She loved to say how much she wished I wasn’t born.”

Chiba took a moment to place a reassuring hand on Hayami’s knee, untangling one of his hands from hers to do so. This brought Hayami out of her reverie, out of the dark reality that was the first fifteen years of her life.

Her eyes were wet and shiny, he had a feeling his were too, but he gave her knee a comforting squeeze. She wasn’t there anymore. That reality didn’t have its hands around her neck anymore. The scars and bruises would remain but its hold had been ripped away.

“I guess I got her hopes up with the first trimester final results… so, when I dropped out of the top fifty in the next exam she… she snapped. That’s when she hit me.” Hayami said slowly, pulling his remaining hand towards her, drawing him closer so their knees could touch and she could have both his hands in her lap. She played with his fingers, trying to distract herself from the painful memories. Even after three years, they still hurt to touch. Almost as much as a fresh wound would. “It only got worse from then on, especially because I ran away that night. Bitch-sensei taught me how to cover up the bruises so that’s why no one knew.”

He wanted to interrupt so badly. Chiba wanted to stop her right there and ask why she never told him. She could have told him and they could figure it out together. The way they always did. Whether it was math problems or assassination schemes they were a brilliant team, likeminded enough to get along but also different enough to complement each other. However, this was Hayami’s turn. He would wait. He _had_ to wait. Let her tell him her full story.

“I can tell from that look on your face that you’re wondering why I didn’t tell you. You’re a lot easier to read when you don’t have your hair covering up half your face.” Hayami teased humourlessly, her little giggle empty and sombre. At the mention of his eyes, Chiba suddenly felt naked. His emotions were out in the open and she could _see_. Of course, Hayami, of all people, would be able to decipher his thoughts now that his fringe was out of the way.

His immediate first reaction was to hide his face, pulling his hands out of her hold to shield his eyes from her view. He would’ve shook his head to let his hair fall forward again but Hayami had grabbed a hair clip from her bed side earlier, pinning up his bangs and resigning them from their job as his permanent veil. He felt prying hands on his, urging them away gently so she could look him in the eyes.

Her expression was firm yet soft, making his insides do all kinds of backflips because now she was so close. Her nose was inches from his, he could feel her breath on his face and it shouldn’t be so heart racing, they’d made out already for heaven’s sake, but it _was_. It felt like his heart was at his throat, aching to jump out of his chest and into Hayami’s hands. At this point he was ready to hand it to her on a silver platter.

“I didn’t want you to worry. You always look so devastated whenever I’m upset. It hurts just seeing you like that. I didn’t want to think how you’d feel if you’d known what was going on in my own home.” Hayami said as she brought his hands back down between them, sitting back so they weren’t mixing breaths anymore. Slowly, everything was falling into place and the last three years didn’t hurt as much. They didn’t hurt like a stab wound in the back anymore. “It sounds noble when I say it that way but I was simply being selfish. I didn’t consider your feelings and in the end I hurt you much more in the end.”

Absently, Chiba wondered what he looked like when he worried about her. Whenever she was troubled, he burned with a determination to eliminate whatever was making her feel that way. If he couldn’t do that, at the very least, he wanted to make her forget about it. Let her have a reprieve from whatever was bothering her (which was usually her own downward spiral of anxiety).   However, seeing her broken and downtrodden was physically painful. He wondered if that showed on his face even when he had a curtain to hide it from the world.

“Do you remember that time we were studying in your room? I didn’t get permission from my mother at the time, I snuck out. I needed to talk to you… it was the day after I called Lovro-sensei after all.” Hayami said, bringing him back to reality. Chiba remembered that incident quite vividly, considering it was one of the most unproductive study sessions he’d ever had. They’d barely studied, just lay together, basking in the afternoon warmth while the late autumn sun was still high in the sky. For the first hour or so though, Hayami had been the most distracted he had ever seen her. “I needed to know where you stood and once I did… I couldn’t tell you the truth. I didn’t want to know what you’d do once you knew. The rational part of me told you’d convince me to stay with all your might. The other part though… the part that was scared to bits of my mother that hit me when I got home… she told me you might come with me.”

That made sense. It made a lot more sense than whatever other reasons Chiba had made up in his mind in the darkest nights when he missed her the most. When he’d answered her with such casual conviction, the type that was so innate it came out like second nature, of course she wouldn’t have the heart to tell him.

While he knew he would’ve tried his best to dissuade her out of her decision, he knew that following her wouldn’t have been such an obscure option. It wouldn’t have been his first choice of action but in the shoes of his fifteen year old self, he would’ve given it a decent amount of thought.

“In the end, I had to make a judgment call. Whether I liked you… or hated my mother more. I had to choose between the life I could have without her and the life I could have with you.” Hayami whispered, wet eyes finally letting loose the tears they’d kept at bay. Her voice was clear, unlike when she bawled her eyes out the night before, but her fingers shook. “It was a stupid decision, I know but… but I was so scared. I was so, _so_ scared and I couldn’t handle it anymore.”

And now Chiba felt like a first rate asshole. All these years, he’d faulted her for every hurt and every painful memory from their last year in middle school. He’d blamed her for the gaping hole in his chest but could he do that anymore? All she’d done was flee from the hell that awaited her every day. Realistically speaking, what could he have done for her? She’d seen an escape route and run for it like mad.

It hadn’t been the only option available to her but terrified people did terrifying things. They jumped at the first viable chance at liberation from whatever they feared and didn’t look back until it was much too late. That had been exactly what Hayami had done.

“Thank you.” Chiba blurted out without a second thought. It had been the first thing on his mind now that the truth was out. He grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her close, hugging her as tight as he could. “You didn’t owe me anything but you gave it to me… so, thank you.”

“How can you say that? After I hurt you so much, how can you say that?” Hayami murmured into his shirt, burying her face into his shoulder, effectively wetting the material there. She clutched onto the back of his shirt like a lifeline, pressing their bodies as intimately as possible. She held on like she never wanted to let go.

“Because you came to see me. You could’ve avoided me your entire life and I don’t care how much you tell yourself it was for your own selfish reasons. I know you did it for me too.” Chiba comforted, kissing the top of her head lightly. She lifted herself from her hiding place on his shoulder, eyes wide and hopeful. She almost looked like she had regressed back to being a child, wishing with everything she had. Chiba treasured these moments where she showed her inner naiveté, the part of her that she’d ignored in favour of growing up as fast as she could. “I forgive you so please forgive yourself.”

“Do you really forgive me?” Hayami asked innocently, her hands looping around his neck, her touch so light it kind of tickled. Chiba very nearly wanted to break up this moment to grab his phone to take a picture of her. It was so rare to see her like this.

Chiba gave her his answer with a long kiss.

It wasn’t bordering on animalistic the way he’d greeted her earlier. It wasn’t pure and magical the way it went in movies. It _was_ filled with promises and reassurance though. It was filled with everything he felt for her – good, bad, ugly, full of affection and full of resentment. It was filled with how much he cared and how much he truly understood. It was filled with how much he forgave her.

“Promise to stay with me and I will.” Chiba added when he pulled away for air. She looked positively dazed, flooded with all Chiba had to give her and all he had to ask of her. He knew he was being unreasonable. She had a steady job, after all. Being an assassin clearly put food on the table, it was very luxurious food at that, and it wasn’t like she could quit at a moment’s notice. She couldn’t even keep her job and stay with him. She had to move around or it’d be a danger to her but there was no other way. They wouldn’t survive if she had to leave.

“I was planning to quit soon anyway.” Hayami grinned, surprising him with the simplicity of her answer. He had been expecting hesitation, perhaps even negotiation. However, Hayami was the killer of expectations. She took advantage of his stupor to grab his face and pull him into a gleeful kiss. She yanked his face to hers with such force they were sent tumbling onto the bed and Hayami laughed through the whole thing. How she managed to keep his lips locked on hers while laughing into his mouth and rolling around on the bed was beyond him. It was enjoyable nonetheless and Chiba couldn’t complain when he ended up on top of her, her cheeks pink from mirth. “I’m sure Lovro-sensei was half anticipating me quitting after my trip to Japan.”

“You… you’re really going to stay?” Chiba stuttered, disbelief pooling in stomach. Could she do that? Could she just up and quit? Shouldn’t things be a bit more complicated than that? Hayami cut through his thoughts with another sharp kiss. It would be an understatement to say that when she did _that_ with her tongue that it was hard to think. His whole head went numb and all he could think about was how amazing a kisser Hayami was.

“You’ll be mine if I do, right?” Hayami asked cheekily, hooking her fingers around his neck and Chiba gulped. She was so close, her eyes playful and her voice teasing. He covered his mouth with his hand, averting his eyes in hopes of escaping the embarrassment but with the way she chuckled he knew she could see the intense blush on his tan skin. She could probably even feel the heat under her fingertips. “You’re cute when you’re flustered, Ryuunosuke.”

And that was the last straw. She’d nonchalantly asked him out (wasn’t that the guy’s job?), called him cute (that was utterly mortifying in itself because a bordering six foot tall guy with an intimidating gaze shouldn’t be cute) and then she’d said his name like it was nothing (he still couldn’t get used to the way his name practically rolled off her tongue, sweet and smooth like honey).

Honestly, if he didn’t find a hole to crawl into soon he’ll spontaneously combust. There weren’t any pits of eternal humiliation in the hotel room, of course because the room was immaculately maintained, so he took to collapsing on top of Hayami, burying his burning face in her hair and neck. It would have to do even if the very proximity made him blush deeper.

“You’re unfair, Rinka.” Chiba complained into her skin, hugging her tight around the waist. She was being so painfully suave he couldn’t handle it. With all the training she’d had to have had, she’d definitely be smooth but he didn’t think she’d be _that_ smooth. She made him feel like an inexperienced, pure high school kid. Actually on second thought, wasn’t that exactly what he was? He hadn’t really gone past first base with his girlfriend. “I wanted to be the one to ask you to be my girlfriend.”

“You can ask me out properly another time if you want.” Hayami said, mock comforting him by stroking his hair. She could put on all the airs of feeling sympathy for him for stealing all the cool parts but he could practically feel her amusement rolling off her in waves. And not the gentle kind of waves that lap at the seashore. Her glee was slapping him in the face like a tidal wave. He couldn’t help but pout and from the way Hayami’s shoulders shook, he had a feeling she knew.

“It’s fine. As long as you keep the last part of our promise, it’s fine.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok!! So this is the final chapter of the main plot but there's still one more chapter that will serve as an epilogue. It's basically the aftermath of all this but it's really just me satisfying my need for more Chibahaya fluff. It's currently riding on 5K+ and nowhere near finished so I have no idea how long it'll take to come out but I hope you'll wait for it ^^ And it's not just fluff because I'm a weirdo that has to insert at least some angst everywhere. It'll also feature more of Class E so you can anticipate more Class E antics :D (because who doesn't love the dynamics of that crazy class) 
> 
> Anyway it has been a lovely 15K journey with you all~ I hope you enjoyed it!!

**Author's Note:**

> So, there’s not enough Chibahaya fics out there...decided to change that :3 Hope you enjoyed it ^^   
> It’s also not beta-ed and I’m a shitty editor so erm... there may be some mistakes :P Buuuuuuuut~ I do have quite a few chapters written up so I’ll probably be updating somewhat regularly... hopefully being the key word :P


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